Snowed in

Yesterday afternoon around 2:30 it started snowing tons. By the time 4:30 hit and we decided to close the coffee shop there was at least six inches of snow on the ground. It took about thirty minutes to get home as opposed to seven. Cars were in ditches and wrecks were everywhere. I must say, as much as I hate to be stuck in one place for more than five hours I kind of enjoyed it. I sat around the house with a few friends ate chicken noodle soup and had some beer/wine followed by playing in the snow around midnight. When I woke up I was really wanting to leave but I tried to make the best of it. I don't ever have any free time... let alone me time. So I sat around listened to music, read, and baked. It was sort of nice.

It makes me feel inferior,

I really dislike the fact that people around the age of 18 through 20 feel so rushed to go to school. Motivation is something I do lack, yes.. but I feel that some people around me push themselves over the limit to achieve much more then they can mentally handle. I decided that I would take this year off for a bit to grasp reality and really get a feel of what it's like to be on my own before I move elsewhere. I really would love to go back to school.. I just want to be completely ready and know exactly what I want before I pay for college. Design is my calling... I feel that way more and more. I do plan on getting a degree in Communication Design.. I'm just not in a hurry. I am 19 years old. I know what is best for myself I just need to really get completely motivated before I do it. What is there not to understand?

October

It's October.. meaning fall is here. I can't wait until all of the leaves fall so I can rake them up into one ginormous pile and jump in them. Also, I want to carve funny things into pumpkins and make pumpkin muffins. If you can't tell.. Fall is my favorite season and it makes me love life.

update

It sucks when I start to constantly deceive and over analyze my everyday life.
It only happens on occasion... I just hate wondering. Whatever.

I believe I'm moving into that apartment November 1st. It should be interesting. Change can be scary but change is good. I'm just nervous about getting a little bit obsessive compulsive about how I want things to look in the new place.

another apartment?

So, as usual... the apartment thing with Nicole came up again. It's above her boyfriends new apartment.. so basically Nicole and I will be upstairs and Jordan and Sam will be downstairs. Freaking awesome. An entire house full of friends. We are turning in an application probably within the next couple of days. I hope everything works out.

I really wish I had a new bed though.. I still have a freaking twin size bed from when I was little. I may try to convince someone in my family to buy me a new bed. (like that would ever work) ooooorrr if someone has a bed or any furniture they would like to give away they should give it to Nicole and I! I get way too excited about these things. I shouldn't get my hopes up just in case we don't get the apartment.

It will be so awesome to live in this apartment though. I love decorating.. I mean, we may not have much to decorate with seeing as how we probably don't have many things to use. We will work it out! Plus.. the bills in all is one of my paychecks.. not including my tips. Hallelujah

I love this.

On the daily

I have something awkward happen to me and I love it. (at times) Generally, I am one of the most awkward people ever.. so I suppose that's why strange things happen to me. It's crazy how I take these exciting moments for granted. I often overlook them without realizing how hilarious they are. I could give an example.. but there are way too many. Pretty much, anyone that I hang out with on a regular basis will know what I am talking about.

Anyways, recently I have realized I need a planner. I need to actually carry one around with me at all times and check it frequently. People call me flaky.. (I understand why) My ADD feels way to extreme. If someone tries to make plans with me, half of the time it won't work out because I usually do things in the moment. Which sucks I suppose. Maybe I just have way too many things to do everyday and I don't really make time for them. I need a medium.

House of Leaves

So, the book House of Leaves was recommended to me by quite a few people. It's not necessarily an easy read. It is sort of difficult because of the layout. There are different fonts and sentences going diagonally or backwards across the page. I must say though Danielewski is a fucking genius. I cant even begin to explain how intelligent and enlightening he can be. This book is a combination of horror, surrealism, and love. It was fantastic.

Birthday time

So, yesterday was my birthday. It was a pretty fun and relaxing day.. I woke up to my parents pretty much shoving gifts in my face. That's not something to wake up to everyday. It was nice. No drama from my parents for once. Aside from a relaxing birthday it was also eventful too. Two parties and two family get togethers.

.. I always feel slightly awkward at parties (even if I know everyone there)
Anxiety issues I suppose.

One thing I am pretty excited about- I am probably going to receive a ton of Polaroid film from my Grandparents on Sunday. I don't know what it is about Polaroids, I just love them. Also, I talked my dad into giving me his old film camera from the 60's or 70's. We'll see if it works.

Chao

More to look forward to;

Finally, more to look forward to. At the beginning of next month I am seeing mewithoutyou and the decemberists. It's going to be great. I haven't ever really been too big on the decemberists until I heard their new album- Hazards of Love. It is wonderful. Don't get me wrong, I liked the Crane Wife... It was just one of those albums I could listen to once in a blue moon. This is a wonderful start off to summer. I really want to go to Bonaroo to see Andrew Bird, Pheonix, MGMT, Bon Iver and more... I just don't think I can afford it. Although... I'm going with my friend Kfish to Warped Tour to see P.O.S and Thrice. It will be super fun.
Chinga Ling
Bing Bing

I'm strange.

Want to hear how ADD I am? =/
I've started on five books... they are all really great... I just have a tendency to not finish them!
I begin a book, get really into it... then somehow, I won't have time to read it for a week. So, I come back home and think to myself... Oh yeah, I wanted to read this book... and start another.. without finishing the one I was reading before.
What the nasty.

Oh more news on the apartment search: Me and my friend Lauren are looking at an apartment on Thursday. It is HUGE. I'm pretty pumped to see it.

& Damn... RJD2 is great.

job hunting

So, due to my extreme lack of motivation, I have messed up completely this semester. This leads me to taking a year off from school and getting an actual job somewhere such as Wachovia. I suppose it will be for the better. I need a year off from school to get my shit together after all that has happened this year. My mind is a constant mess filled with jumbled negative thoughts making me lazy as hell. A job that pays well will also help me move out of my parent's house. They keep talking about kicking me out and now a couple times a week I have to crash at my friends apartment. Oh well, fuck it.
There is one very simple thing that makes me happy- this new band Jordan and Nicole introduced to me - Pivot. I find myself constantly listening to the song Make Me Love You. It's so freaking good.

Pointless... but... things I want to do today:
Take pictures of the beautiful purple flowers outside of my house
Find a new book to read in my spare time
Job hunt



Another thing.. I am at Mojo cafe... and I randomly heard my alarm clock go off.. except it wasn't my phone. It was someones ring tone. I swear to god that is the most obnoxious ring tone ever. It's called 'Sunshine' and it sounds like a whole bunch of horrific trumpets. Honestly, I would not want that to be my actual alarm but I am such a heavy sleeper, it's the only thing that wakes me up. Hearing my alarm across the store freaked me out for some odd reason... I'm insane.

Fit the moment

I love how I incorporate music into everything I do. I feel like most of the time, I listen to music that fits the moment. (which can be ironically convenient) Such as the way my surroundings appear to me, a reflection on my mood, or to just chill out to. It's pure bliss. After I straightened up my room today I just loved the way everything looked and felt. I loved the way the clouds appeared and how the sun was hitting the mountains as it was setting. It was beautiful and I could not stop staring at it. Sometimes I wish I could just capture moments such as this and keep them forever.

April Fools!?

I forgot to play April Fool's jokes on people yesterday!

Rant on useless nonsense

I hate when I get home so freaking late and can't fall asleep until 4:ooAM. It's so hard for me to get on a set schedule because I can't manage my time very well. In the mornings, I love to go to Mojo to get a cup of coffee and a bagel and possibly work on some homework before class. Today, I didn't get to do any of that. I woke up at one o' clock, the time my psychology class starts... and didn't have enough time to get ready. I really wonder why I am so worthless and unmotivated 80% of the time. I have all of this homework to catch up on and I'm only taking three classes this semester. I have two tests to make up in psychology, two papers to write for English, and a shit ton of reading and questions to answer for philosophy. The reading for philosophy isn't so bad. It's the answers to the questions that are rough. There are usually five questions in a section that we read. One question is always about a page long.
Another weird thing that bothers me... when I come home, I get sick and tired of looking at my room. I almost have the urge to take all of my posters and pictures down and just rearrange the whole thing.. In the process of rearranging my entire room I'm thinking to myself, "Wow, I could have been doing homework right now... this took about three hours." In those three hours, my pathetic self could have been studying for the tests, reading, and writing my paper... I LACK MOTIVATION FOR SCHOOL WORK. (and going to class) =/
The strange thing is, in order for me to do homework and have my full attention dedicated for it... I need a change of scenery. A coffee shop is always nice (until people I know come up and talk to me... mostly regulars from the coffee shop that I work at) or my basement. I love my basement. The only thing is, my dad annoys the hell out of me! Everyday, literally, he will come up to me and talk to me how dumb of a decision it was for me to vote for Obama, how I am a horrible person for not believing in 'God', or how I should get up off my ass and drive to some disgusting fast food restaurant to get him a dead animal. Oh yeah! and while I'm at it... I will get him a 5 dollar cup of coffee. Fuck that. It happens way too much. I am not going to support him eating fast food and a large mocha. It's Horrible for you.
He uses my gas, takes my money, and lectures me because I don't believe what he believes.
You know what? Get over it.
I am my own person with my own views and just because I don't believe what he does, doesn't mean that I am a bad person. If anything, he is a bad person for inflicting his views on me.
It's so frustrating!!! I wish he would just leave me alone and accept me for who I am. I will not change for anyone. Just because I have a 'liberated mindset' as my dad will say, doesn't mean that I don't have morals in a conservative Christians eyes. Everyone has their own moral code and I am perfectly fine with the way my morals are. Yeah, I have fucked up, but who hasn't? That is how you learn. I want him to leave me the fuck alone and learn how to talk to me about something else that we won't fight over. We fight everyday.

ANYWAYS!
Enough complaining... hopefully tonight will be a bit better. As soon as my friend Josh gets off of work we are making grilled cheese. (probably a few other things) Then, we are going downtown with my friend Leandra to look at art galleries.

and after I write this... I'm going to make blueberry green tea. It's fantastic.

Modest Mouse = fantastic

So, a little over a week ago, I pretty much experienced one of the most amazing times of my life. I went with my best friend and her boyfriend to see my favorite band, Modest Mouse. First off, I was overly excited to see them because they are the one band who I can listen to and not ever get tired of. Certain songs have either helped or compared to incidents that have or are happening in my life right now. Anyways..
When we got there, I made sure we were right up front.
They opened with one of my favorite songs, Dramamine... and ended with another favorite, Spitting Venom. Words cannot even describe how much I love that song. Their whole set list was fantastic. (I ended up snagging one) When we returned home, a couple days later a friend of mine told me that my friends and I were on Modest Mouse's website. It's pretty exciting to be on your favorite bands website. (even if I look overly excited in one photo and in a complete daze in the other) Also, I didn't think that the venue would allow cameras, so I left mine in the car. =/ I did get some pretty sweet pictures on my phone though! As soon as I figure out how to work damn blue tooth I will put them on here.

longing for independence

So, I've been thinking about doing a lot of new things in my life.. Such as buying a new car and moving into an apartment. A couple of months ago my cousin and I literally almost signed the lease to an apartment in Southwest Roanoke. It was very cute and it really seemed like the perfect place for us. It was spacious, had a balcony, and a back yard. What more can you ask for? The only thing was that the rent was sky high. We also decided that we both need a new car before we even consider getting a new place. I suppose that's the smartest decision. I sometimes find myself feeling desperate to be on my own. I love my parents, I really do. I just need another sense of independence.


Anyways, the other day I was stuck at home, bored... and I made some very delicious cookies! They were funfetti cake cookies with frosting. I made so many I had to take some over to my friend Josh's apartment and let them all eat the rest.

new blog

I had a blog a couple years ago and forgot the user name and password for it. So, I decided to make a new one... considering the fact that I am bored at home and sick. Although, within these past five days of me being sick I did receive great news! My friend Jordan texted me and told me my favorite band, Modest Mouse is playing next month in Raleigh, North Carolina! I haven't had something to look forward to in a long time. I can't wait.